A Small Celebration
C: “Today is so sad, right. You heard the news?”
J: “Yea, we went to talk to one of our affected friends this morning when we heard about this latest round of layoffs. It was so sudden. They told her it was structural. We’ll keep a lookout for her. At least, she can extend her vacation now, she deserves a break.”
C: “I was just talking to them last week on pipeline for the year, and everything seemed so normal. None of us had a clue.”
Me: “Yea, your team was just affected last year right? It seems like it’s never ending.”
Ironically, we were at a long-delayed celebratory lunch we had organized, for closing a few deals with a global client. The contract negotiations with the client were extended and excruciating. We had spent weeks arguing over the minutiae of bullet points, and when things were done all of us agreed that we deserved a celebration.
But while our heads were down in that battle, the unceasing drumbeat of layoffs and restructurings was accelerating in the background. It didn’t even seem to be about AI any more, companies were just trying to find ways to make things work and meet their numbers.
“What shall we order? Does A take spicy food?”
The Lawyer
A arrived slightly late, the star of our show. He was a meticulous lawyer with a photographic memory, and his insistence on protecting our company’s rights had played no small role in the length of our negotiations.
C: “Sorry, sorry, forgot to tell you that we were meeting here directly!”
A: “It’s ok! Don’t worry about it, thanks for inviting me to lunch!”
C: “No, thanks for all the support! You know, I had to wait until you were here to say this, but I was telling the two of them, let’s try to route the matter to another lawyer next time when we have a contract to sign, you are so strict!”
A (laughing): “I’m just doing my job! But yea, feel free to look for F next time!”
Me: “Yea, we know but I guess we like to bother you. You’ve been here … almost two years already right? How are you finding it here?”
A: “It’s been … a bit of a change. You know, I used to work in banks for disputes. Every time something came up, we would look at the contract and wonder who the hell drafted something that way. Now that I’m doing the drafting, I aim to at least not have someone else say that about me when something blows up!”
Me: “I guess, you could always blame the salespeople. But do you like what you are doing now?”
A: “I don’t know. I do love the law, and I like the work. But this organization is so big, it’s hard to use your knowledge of the law to make a difference. When I was working for a startup, I think I touched more aspects of operations. But here, it’s not just about the law itself and also about presenting and connecting to others. I think all of the lawyers here find meaning in different aspects – some of us love the law, some of us find the work fun, and some of us just need to pay the bills.”
A (continuing): “My first job was in divorce and family law. I think I made a difference to some families and some young kids. But society doesn’t really find a way to pay people who work with those in need well. I guess I’m still trying to see where I can make a difference and help people with my love of the law.”
C: “Sounds like you need to be your own boss. Isn’t that what most lawyers do?”
A: “I guess so, but I don’t really like meeting new people and I don’t like the sales aspect of it, there is so much time spent searching for clients.”
Me: “Well, you are certainly sitting at the right table to give some tips! But appreciate that it’s not something that you want to do.”
Through the Eyes of a Child
It was then that the lunch stopped being about contracts, or layoffs, or even work. Without any of us quite noticing, we had begun talking about children.
A: “I’ve been trying to find meaning outside work too. I had a friend who just got laid off, and he told me that he realized that it was the first time he was actually paying attention to his daughters at home. Previously, his mind was preoccupied with work, even when he was on leave, and even when he was actually present with them. I don’t have children of my own, but I think being present and helping others is important, perhaps not just through the law. I just took a graduate diploma in counselling, maybe I’ll be a therapist one day.”
C: “That’s really cool, I was thinking of being a dyslexia therapist for kids one day. You know, if they fire me.”
A: “Exactly, I was thinking of working with kids too, actually. I’d need a Master’s for that. But I was thinking that you know, I could help some of those kids that I used to work with. By the time they are 16 and need a lawyer it may be too late. It’s never ideal to send someone to the Reformative Training Centre because they may just get to meet more bad influences, but sometimes that’s the only thing to do because they have been committing crimes and are out of control. Maybe if someone had gotten to help them sooner when their minds were developing they could have matured differently.”
I shivered, slightly, at the thought of jail for the young.
Me: “What crimes do these young people usually commit? I guess I may need to look out for my kid one day.”
A: “Stealing, usually, and rioting. They end up joining gangs and fighting. Their attention and respect come from their peers, and not their parents, and they end up in these situations.”
J (curious): “What type of kids end up in this situation?”
A: “You know, you would think it’s usually those from single parent families, who lack attention. And to some extent, that is true. But there are many from loving homes, where both parents are educated professionals – lawyers or doctors. But they end up focused on work or themselves, and not paying attention to their children. Or giving the wrong sort of attention – you could think you are giving the best type of love to your children, but what matters is not what you think, but what the children see. And there are many families where the parents think they are doing their best but their children have the completely opposite view.”
Attention, I thought, is not all you need.
Perhaps love, as well.
C: “It’s like the Voice of Customer survey! We always need to get some feedback even from our customers as well, and I guess, our children are like that.”
A: “Exactly, but it’s also not simple actually – your children might just say the things they want you to hear.”
J (quiet): “You know, I was thinking about what you just said. I grew up mostly with relatives, away from my parents. When I started my own family I wanted to give my children the family I never had, to love them, to always be there for them. But now I am wondering if this is what they need or want, or what I think they want, or even just what I want.”
J (continuing): “They seem happy and are doing well. Great at speaking and playing computer games too. But I was just with my son, he’s starting primary school next year and I wonder if I’ve prepared him well enough. The primary school admissions exercise starts tonight. It’s really stressful, actually”
C: “Yea, starting primary school was a stressful time for me as well. My boys are older now, but I remember when they started, they took six months to catch up, and I am still very grateful to their teacher, who noticed something that I had missed. That’s why I wanted to work with kids too, I think you can really make a difference there.”
A: “That’s exactly what I am thinking about, the brain goes through many changes in this developmental period. If you intervene early enough, you can really help guide their development. Much better than trying to defend them in court later. And both of you seem like great parents.”
I wondered if all minds are like this at the beginning — shaped less by what their parents intend than by what they actually see.
As I wondered, I sat, quietly, listening to my friends. This conversation had taken an unexpected turn. Soon, we would be rushing back to the office – more calls, more deadlines, more demands for attention and more fears of layoffs.
But right then, in the small restaurant, I was thankful for the three kind souls who were thinking of helping the development of future young minds, related by blood and not.
And for the young minds now emerging, I hope that you too meet similar kind and generous souls, and fall not into temptation and evil.